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your worst enemy...

for the past 1 1/2 month i have short surgery posting..which is like the best time in the life of an intern ..especially an intern in KEM..very little to almost nil work..umpteen time to kill..
HEAVEN.
so u say what is the problem.
well my fear of the unforseen future,my long surgery posting..
even as i sit in ac comfort of the library my mind wanders into the dreary and depressing wards of surgery.
i sit and think"this is the best part of my life..and what am i doing with it..i shud be studying hard like all others..this time is never returning.must make the most of it."..then another thought comes,"no i shud go out and enjoy..my youth has passed me by,let me discover bombay,discover life,fun ,discover the night life..discover me..i shud not be sitting in this lib mugging up connective tissue diseases."
and so the story continues..the story of my life..
and the short surgery posting is coming to an end,i must get back to the grind in precisely a week..WHAM.!
reality check..when the going was good i kept worrying abt the bad times to come..when the bad times come,i will wonder if the worst is yet to come..
i guess these r ponderings of a fatalist,a pessimist. worrying abt the future,the present and the past..it is as if i have sworn to never be content with my lot.
then i wonder am i so different from others..
as i look back at my 'only free time i will ever have in my life' my short posting..i realise that u can be your worst enemy,life is not easy one way or the other..and to complicate it even further..is cruel to yourself.
i did finally study a bit,enjoy a bit during my time..but it would have been so much more cooler if i had said,"to hell with the future!"

Comments

Dr Barnali said…
Well written.
But why so much grief?
There must have been so many happy moments.
Too much of of regrets.
A pessimist may be right in the long run but an optimist has a happier journey.
you are so gifted have an attitude of gratitude to the GIVER.
Comments applicable to all 4 posts
Kunal K said…
Words are so true for everybody..Amazing capacity to ponder.
ismail said…
looking back i think you surely found more freeer times and enjoyed more .

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