Skip to main content

the dynamics of a break up

For sometime now i have been studying the dynamics of break ups..not the why's and how's of the reason for two people to end the relation ship , but actually delving on the psych of the people involved ..namely the DUMPER and the DUMPEE..the dumper is the person who ended the relationship, the person who dumped. and the dumpee is the person who got dumped..
now breaking up is an emotionally wraught situation...where one person gets blamed and there is a lot of general un happiness, for a love that ended before forever.
the dumpee, is sad, feels let down, wallows in self pity. has a dozen shoulders to cry on ..even the dumper's best friend will come to concole, or sympathise. the song on music channels, and the radio know exactly what you are going through .. i will survive.. un break my heart.. alvida..akhiri alvida... almost all atif aslam and mohd rafi songs..!!! the dumpee gets away with eating as much and drinking as much as they want , all to drown their sorrows.. enough said this world , my friends is a pro dumpee world.
the dumper on the other hand has to go through a series of insecurities..did i do right? ..she wasnt so bad, we had had some good times..? ..he wasnt my type, but will i ever find my type ? do i even know what i want ?
not just the insecurity but also the guilt!! i shouldn't have broken up today..i should have told him a long time ago ...i should have waited another week.. i should have told him tomorrow.. i should have told him yesterday.. i should have ...
and this insecure , guilt ridden person , has no shoulder to cry on!!
i mean what do you do..go to your mom and say..sniff..mom i dumped my boy friend..sniff.!!
Even the songs in movies make the dumper out to be the evil bad guy..who goes around breaking hearts' letting trust down' ...and so on and so forth...

it's not that i am patronising people who go around dumping people, or 'breaking hearts' , but i feel that the end of a relationship , hurts both parties involved.. and it's just that one of them decided to take a step, so that both of the people involved, have another chance at a meaningful, fulfilling, love like relationship..which might be the forever types...[too conplicated]

i feel that this general pro dumpee and anti dumper world is dangerous.first, people are so scared of being the dumper that they continue to stay in a relationship ,even when in their hearts, they know that it is over.they continue to sacrifice themselves to uphold their partners and the world's view of a forever love.
also many a times, the dumper returns to the partner , beacuse of the above mentioned guilt and insecurities..
Well ..if you thought that love was complicated , then getting out of it, isn't a cake walk either..:)

Comments

Akshay said…
Hehe..loved it babemoshai!!nice one..quite different from ur regulars..but for Gods sake give them better names yaar..dumper is arite but dumpee?!!..it makes him/her sound far more sadder even..
Parag said…
Hahaha... Good one :)
Tamal said…
Well... I should say...
You have given a try to describe a lot complicated stuff in a heuristic manner. Good one...
Amir said…
Disclaimer: this story doesnt bear any resemblance to reality and all the characters in this story are fictional. he he:-)..just kiddin
abbas.rupawala said…
caution: this is kuheli today morn.. she might not have the same views tomorrow :P

hahaha

i m kiddin ku.. i totally agree with your views.. though i have no experience of either ;) but then again that is just one category of dumpers rite

Popular posts from this blog

7 things I wish I could tell my medical student self, 15 years ago

Two things happened this morning , one was the NEET (the national entrance exam of medicine) results in the Newspaper, and the second ,a discussion on our college whatsapp group that today was infact 15 years to the day we attended our first lecture as Medical students. The jubiliation of the students and parents of today as they embark on a new journey in medicine, and my own journey of the past 15 years ; the connection was like a resonance that my writing muse could not deny. What would I tell the medical student , that was me, from 15 years back? What secrets of the trade, what insider scoop could I share which would have made my journey a little less daunting, a little more fun, and may be even more satisfying? Here are my thoughts in no particular order, except as they enter my head.
1.You made it! : I think the first thing I would like my younger self to do is to celebrate , and not doubt myself. I had won. I was in. the door had closed (atleast to the medical college of choi…

Birthday retrospect : potential energy versus Kinetic energy

A few weeks back I tried to enrol my name for a Leadership program which was looking for ‘people with potential leadership qualities’, when my application was rejected. Turns out I was too old for being a leader; they had a cut off age of 31. But on further retrospection, I realised , they weren’t saying I was too old to become a leader, but were saying that If I had the ‘potential’, then at my ripe old age of 33 I should be well on my way of becoming a leader. And on that note begins my this year’s birthday retrospect. I would like to call it my ‘pre mid life crisis ‘ birthday retrospect. It was triggered by the word ‘potential’. It took me back to my high school physics; potential energy and Kinetic energy. Potential energy is the energy that is stored within, it can be  a ball held at a height above the ground, or an object being pulled on an elastic string like an arrow, or a stone in a sling. The more taut the string on the bow is, the further the arrow will travel that is the t…

New year resolution , investing in myself

As the year draws to a close , I found myself asking , should I make new year resolutions , or am I too old for them? Are resolutions for the young and hopeful?
If twenties were about self discovery , then the thirties surely are about ‘ghar grihasti’, the home and the family. But then, rather than letting the winds of time buffet me on my journey, would it not be nice to have a road map, a compass to which way my thirties are headed?
With these thoughts in mind I decided to design my new year resolutions this year, not for a year, not for a few months, but as long time goals.
I got the idea from my financial advisor actually. This year has been a year of monetary upheaval, for the country at large, with demonetization and such. For me personally, it has been a year, when I started work after a year long sabbatical, without the safety net of a job to go back to, I started a-new as a self employed doctor/surgeon.
The worries and woes that, that entailed is for another time, but what I le…