Skip to main content

the dynamics of a break up

For sometime now i have been studying the dynamics of break ups..not the why's and how's of the reason for two people to end the relation ship , but actually delving on the psych of the people involved ..namely the DUMPER and the DUMPEE..the dumper is the person who ended the relationship, the person who dumped. and the dumpee is the person who got dumped..
now breaking up is an emotionally wraught situation...where one person gets blamed and there is a lot of general un happiness, for a love that ended before forever.
the dumpee, is sad, feels let down, wallows in self pity. has a dozen shoulders to cry on ..even the dumper's best friend will come to concole, or sympathise. the song on music channels, and the radio know exactly what you are going through .. i will survive.. un break my heart.. alvida..akhiri alvida... almost all atif aslam and mohd rafi songs..!!! the dumpee gets away with eating as much and drinking as much as they want , all to drown their sorrows.. enough said this world , my friends is a pro dumpee world.
the dumper on the other hand has to go through a series of insecurities..did i do right? ..she wasnt so bad, we had had some good times..? ..he wasnt my type, but will i ever find my type ? do i even know what i want ?
not just the insecurity but also the guilt!! i shouldn't have broken up today..i should have told him a long time ago ...i should have waited another week.. i should have told him tomorrow.. i should have told him yesterday.. i should have ...
and this insecure , guilt ridden person , has no shoulder to cry on!!
i mean what do you do..go to your mom and i dumped my boy friend..sniff.!!
Even the songs in movies make the dumper out to be the evil bad guy..who goes around breaking hearts' letting trust down' ...and so on and so forth...

it's not that i am patronising people who go around dumping people, or 'breaking hearts' , but i feel that the end of a relationship , hurts both parties involved.. and it's just that one of them decided to take a step, so that both of the people involved, have another chance at a meaningful, fulfilling, love like relationship..which might be the forever types...[too conplicated]

i feel that this general pro dumpee and anti dumper world is dangerous.first, people are so scared of being the dumper that they continue to stay in a relationship ,even when in their hearts, they know that it is over.they continue to sacrifice themselves to uphold their partners and the world's view of a forever love.
also many a times, the dumper returns to the partner , beacuse of the above mentioned guilt and insecurities..
Well ..if you thought that love was complicated , then getting out of it, isn't a cake walk either..:)


Akshay said…
Hehe..loved it babemoshai!!nice one..quite different from ur regulars..but for Gods sake give them better names yaar..dumper is arite but dumpee?!! makes him/her sound far more sadder even..
Parag said…
Hahaha... Good one :)
Tamal said…
Well... I should say...
You have given a try to describe a lot complicated stuff in a heuristic manner. Good one...
Amir said…
Disclaimer: this story doesnt bear any resemblance to reality and all the characters in this story are fictional. he he:-)..just kiddin
Unknown said…
caution: this is kuheli today morn.. she might not have the same views tomorrow :P


i m kiddin ku.. i totally agree with your views.. though i have no experience of either ;) but then again that is just one category of dumpers rite

Popular posts from this blog

Watered - The premier women's retreat

 " Can you imagine a woman that knows her worth, honours her body and walks in her power and truth. a woman that stands for true sisterhood, and loves without conditions A woman so strongly rooted in the rhythms of nature, that she embodies all things real and sacred. That woman is you. "   " Nourish Your Soul, Nurture Your Dreams: Experience 'Watered' - The Premier Women's Retreat!"   Imagine a beautiful beachside retreat, you wake up to a soulful sunrise followed by movement meditation and walking meditations on the beach. Gorgeous plates of nourishing food as you gaze out at sea. Spend your mornings in creative and exciting activities. Spend your afternoons in connection with nature and connection with other women while playing games and sharing insights. And evenings attending drum circles on the beach, and end the day with sessions of singing bowls, gratitude practices and dancing in the moonlight. If you have always wanted to go to a girl'

5 Korean phrases every K drama fan should know

5 Korean phrases every K drama fan should know ./  5 k drama phrases which add drama in a Korean drama. Korean dramas or K-dramas are filled with sweet predictable clich├ęs , scenes that are repeated in almost every other drama, because they never seize to bring on the drama feels. Are you a k drama fan? Have you noticed how some scenes and some phrases get repeated in so many dramas? Here are a few of my favourite Hangul phrases which help heighten the drama in a Kdrama. Orae-man-iyo / Orae- mani- dae This phrase means ; it’s been a long time. The first version Orae mani iyo is the more formal way of saying is one of my favourite phrases, a fabulous drama building phrase, it could be used when two arch enemies meet after a long time , one grew up to be a sleazy lawyer, the other an upstanding prosecutor. Or two high school sweethearts with a heartbreaking breakup meet in their adult life. It is a phrase filled with emotions; be it a veiled threat , a sense of l

Sharing my gifts , my life : Birthday retrospect 2021

  Happy 37 Birthday to me ! And for my readers of my annual birthday retrospect, this will be my 13 th year of writing a birthday blog. Wow, what a commitment. So, what was the one amazing thing I did this year ? I decided, just one fine day – to share . I started by sharing my food. It was the first time that we were not going home for Durga Pujo, we were in 2020 and the world was in Lockdown, I missed Pujo bhog, and I missedthe general excitement and enthusiasm around Durga pujo. I wanted to call a few friends over and serve them a typical Bengali meal, but we could not call people home- we were deep in N95 masks , and social distancing was in place. I decided to pack little meal boxes for my friends, and then decided I wanted to share the food with the everyone, and so decided to do a Bengali Pujo POP-UP . I ordered Gobindobhog rice, and kasundi and we made an elaborate menu with Rosogulla , deemer devil, and a non veg menu and a typical pujo bhog menu with khichuri, labda ,