Skip to main content

confessions..

I will never be alone again..
silence speaks to me..
.. my conscience now has a voice..
when the darkness descends..
and the noise dies down..
my days activities done..
i am reminded ...
the voice, angry, beseeching, accusing...
of the wrong i did, the good i should have done..
my mind, my conscience will never forgive..
there is no retribution..
there is no way out..
i make my own hell , the fires of hell
the flames of guilt burn..
sting my eyes..
i blink back tears..my throat choking..
i realise ..
there is no retribution..
living in fear..
i will never be alone again.
my conscience will never leave me alone..

Comments

Milan Kundera said through a character in one of his books,

"Heaven and hell are the same place, dont u know?

In our hearts. Thats where we find them."
Sometimes I think that believing that people are inherently good becomes easier when we think we all have a conscience.

:)

Popular posts from this blog

7 things I wish I could tell my medical student self, 15 years ago

Two things happened this morning , one was the NEET (the national entrance exam of medicine) results in the Newspaper, and the second ,a discussion on our college whatsapp group that today was infact 15 years to the day we attended our first lecture as Medical students. The jubiliation of the students and parents of today as they embark on a new journey in medicine, and my own journey of the past 15 years ; the connection was like a resonance that my writing muse could not deny. What would I tell the medical student , that was me, from 15 years back? What secrets of the trade, what insider scoop could I share which would have made my journey a little less daunting, a little more fun, and may be even more satisfying? Here are my thoughts in no particular order, except as they enter my head.
1.You made it! : I think the first thing I would like my younger self to do is to celebrate , and not doubt myself. I had won. I was in. the door had closed (atleast to the medical college of choi…

Birthday retrospect : potential energy versus Kinetic energy

A few weeks back I tried to enrol my name for a Leadership program which was looking for ‘people with potential leadership qualities’, when my application was rejected. Turns out I was too old for being a leader; they had a cut off age of 31. But on further retrospection, I realised , they weren’t saying I was too old to become a leader, but were saying that If I had the ‘potential’, then at my ripe old age of 33 I should be well on my way of becoming a leader. And on that note begins my this year’s birthday retrospect. I would like to call it my ‘pre mid life crisis ‘ birthday retrospect. It was triggered by the word ‘potential’. It took me back to my high school physics; potential energy and Kinetic energy. Potential energy is the energy that is stored within, it can be  a ball held at a height above the ground, or an object being pulled on an elastic string like an arrow, or a stone in a sling. The more taut the string on the bow is, the further the arrow will travel that is the t…

New year resolution , investing in myself

As the year draws to a close , I found myself asking , should I make new year resolutions , or am I too old for them? Are resolutions for the young and hopeful?
If twenties were about self discovery , then the thirties surely are about ‘ghar grihasti’, the home and the family. But then, rather than letting the winds of time buffet me on my journey, would it not be nice to have a road map, a compass to which way my thirties are headed?
With these thoughts in mind I decided to design my new year resolutions this year, not for a year, not for a few months, but as long time goals.
I got the idea from my financial advisor actually. This year has been a year of monetary upheaval, for the country at large, with demonetization and such. For me personally, it has been a year, when I started work after a year long sabbatical, without the safety net of a job to go back to, I started a-new as a self employed doctor/surgeon.
The worries and woes that, that entailed is for another time, but what I le…