Skip to main content

The inconvenience of Death


Is it inconvenient to talk about death on a Sunday morning? Would it be better if we talked about it on a Tuesday afternoon?
The thing with death is that it never comes at a convenient time, especially the ‘untimely deaths’. That does make one question, what is ‘timely death’? One would argue the death of someone who is old, ailing, is already in the ICU on life support, the entire family is in town, and every one has taken a weeks leave from work, just waiting for the inevitable. Just a friendly wave at death ‘Ready when you are ‘, would be called a ‘convenient death’. Convenient, for the person who passes away, also convenient for those who must attend to the aftermath.
But, untimely death is rarely convenient. The last week my whatsapp groups has been rife with untimely deaths : A badminton player was just 2 points away from victory, when he collapsed and died. A surgeon had just finished surgery, and dies before he even makes it out of the scrub room, a noted scholar dies on the lecture podium, in a foreign country . inconvenient times and inconvenient places, and we are not even talking about accidents here, but just the ordinary – heart just stopped variety of deaths.
And it is not just the dead who are inconvenienced, the news of the death of friends and loved ones also come as unpleasant surprise. They just blindside you, at 3 in the morning, especially on a morning when you have a particularly important meeting. I still remember, I was at a live music concert, Usha Uthup was to perform next, and I was quite looking forward to her perform ‘Rambha h oho ‘ when I received a text – my friend had lost her husband in a car accident.
I stumbled out of the concert venue, in a daze, unable to locate my car in the crowded parking, afraid to get in and drive, but there was no way I could stand the happy, alive humans around me.
Does that happen to you? The guilt of enjoying life’s frivolous pursuits when someone has just died?  Music concert ?! What does that mean to a 3 year old who just lost her father?
Recently we lost another friend, and this time it was at 7 on a Monday morning. While we spoke about how heart breaking it was to lose someone before forty, and how full of life he was, we had to contend with our own lives continuing. “ Bhaiya gadi dho diya, undar se saaf kiya ? “ Asking the car wash man if he had washed the car, or trying to pack your kids tiffin. I myself had my son’s craft project to carry, it was a two hand job, “Do you mind if I put you on speaker, or… can I call you in awhile ?” Life, it refused to let up, it continued to demand our attention, even while we wanted to talk about death.
Why is it that we are so prepared for life, with our five year plans , and our goals and motivations and dreams . But, we are so unprepared for death ? Not just our own deaths, but the death of our near ones, or the near ones of  our friends?
How do you console someone who has lost a loved one? I searched for answers on google. I googled books on children’s book that teach about loss to a three year old, I searched for music playlists that helped the grieving heal through the power of music, and I wrote facebook posts.
At our age, we know how to apply for LIC policies, but none of us actually know where those policies are when someone dies. We just continue to live each day, ploughing through our to do lists, but none of us have a checklist of things we would like done, say if we never returned home today. How many of us have a written will ? Have we ever asked the tough questions of what documents will be required to liquidate all the SIP’s and stocks that we so diligently buy every month?
And in India everything is so mired in customs and rituals, we barely understand our wedding rituals, but atleast its all fun and games, and instagrammable pictures, and we have event planners to take care of most of it. And it got me thinking , why don’t we have event planners for death ? Someone who will help smooth out all the unnecessary and inconvenient , so that the grieving atleast have some peace of mind while they grieve. Someone who will organise the kafan, call the cemetery, make arrangements for the pandit, send out beautifully lettered invites for the condolence meeting, maybe even organise for a music session or a book reading session where people can come and read out passages of poetry for the dearly departed. Organise the vegetarian food for the 13 day, and also help with the multiple visits to the bank to figure out the financials.
Today’s world is all about convenience, every app out there whether to order food, or online shopping or call a cab is designed to make life as hassle free as possible, then why don’t we have ‘plan your funeral and the after death financials’ apps?
But, no matter how pragmatic we are and how much we plan, death will always be that inconvenient truth.


Comments

daciejabarie said…
The Casino Site Review and Ratings by LuckyClub
The Casino offers 24/7 live table luckyclub.live games and slots. There's also a sports betting section, live casino, and mobile games. They have live roulette,
aaronnssd said…
Excellent post. I really enjoy reading and also appreciate your work. This concept is a good way to enhance knowledge. Keep sharing this kind of articles,foam gun car wash Thank you.

Popular posts from this blog

Watered - The premier women's retreat

 " Can you imagine a woman that knows her worth, honours her body and walks in her power and truth. a woman that stands for true sisterhood, and loves without conditions A woman so strongly rooted in the rhythms of nature, that she embodies all things real and sacred. That woman is you. "   " Nourish Your Soul, Nurture Your Dreams: Experience 'Watered' - The Premier Women's Retreat!"   Imagine a beautiful beachside retreat, you wake up to a soulful sunrise followed by movement meditation and walking meditations on the beach. Gorgeous plates of nourishing food as you gaze out at sea. Spend your mornings in creative and exciting activities. Spend your afternoons in connection with nature and connection with other women while playing games and sharing insights. And evenings attending drum circles on the beach, and end the day with sessions of singing bowls, gratitude practices and dancing in the moonlight. If you have always wanted to go to a girl'

The Goddess Collection

  Unleash Your Goddess Potential: Awaken, Rise, and Transform Your Life! Welcome, Ladies! Are you ready to tap into your highest potential and embrace the magic that has been waiting for you all along? It's time to liberate yourself from limitations and embody your true authentic self. Introducing The Goddess Collection, my signature 24-day Feminine Energy course that will unlock your full potential and lead you to a life filled with joy, abundance, and ease. Are you searching for answers about your purpose, your life, and your destiny? Do you feel a deep inner calling to live a life of alignment and freedom? Are you ready to manifest your wildest desires for love, joy, purpose, and connection? If you've been doing all the vision boards, journaling, and affirmations but haven't seen the changes and transformations you desire, it's time for a new approach. The Goddess Collection is the answer you've been waiting for. This comprehensive program provides you with a sys

Ready to Realign

  Ready to Realign The unique health and wellness program – designed for the busy and the ambitious.   -Focuses on building lifestyle habits -100 micro habits that make you 1% better everyday -No restrictive diets, no exercise plans, no calorie counting -Helps you realign and rediscover your own unique body, -By working to realign your gut health, your response to stressful situations and your unique sleep patterns. -Helps build immunity, increase longevity, balance hormones, reduce stress, build resilience to handle stress, sleep better, suited for all ages from 6 to 96. -All course notes in a printable format, all instruction videos online, no restrictive live classes. -Lifetime access to all course material   Why is health important, especially for the Busy and ambitious? You value your dreams, goals, aspirations and work hard towards them. You understand the importance of peak health, a state where you can work at your peak performance without feeling bu